A Lonely September
by Breena Marie
Summary: Set During Twilight. What was Edward thinking when he wrote Bella's Lullaby? Songfic. R&R Please.


**Ok. Another songfic. :) This is basically Edward trying to comprehend his feelings for Bella, and writing her lullaby. :) The song is "A Lonely September" By Plain White T's. I love the song, and hopefully I did Edward justice. Please Review even if it's to say I totally screwed up (I really hope I didn't though). Sooooo Read On!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ANYTHING. The song is by Plain White T's and everything else is the brilliant Stephenie Meyer's**

**EPOV:**

I sat on the edge of my piano bench, trying to get my mind off of Bella, hoping that music would give me some sort of relief to my confusing thoughts, but all the time knowing that all of my thoughts would lead back to her. Nothing went the way I originally planned it. I was supposed to be content with myself and only myself… but with Bella, she changed everything. She changed the way I looked at the world, the stars, everything. I still couldn't understand how a small human girl could have such a strong impact on me. Even with my gift I could've never come close to imagine the complex feelings and emotions that came with loving someone. I loved Bella, and I knew that I shouldn't. I should stay far, far away from her.

_I'm sittin' here all by myself  
just tryin' to think of something to do  
Tryin' to think of something, anything  
just to keep me from thinking of you  
But you know it's not working out  
'cause you're all that's on my mind  
One thought of you is all it takes  
to leave the rest of the world behind_

It's almost comical. That first day when she came to this rainy town I thought _she _was the demon, bent on destroying my will, my self-restraint, everything I've built with my family. But now I'm the one with the potential to destroy everything she loves. I was never supposed to fall in love with her.

_  
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did  
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did  
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did  
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did_

Stop it Edward. You'll hurt her. You can't love her. It's not possible, be rational please, for Bella- my mind kept screaming at me, but I just couldn't wrap my mind around her. What pulled me toward her? Why was she such a temptation toward me? Why couldn't I read the mind of the one that I actually _wanted _to read? Why did this all have to be so complicated? Why did I have to intrude on _her_ life? Why her? It can't possibly be the reason I think, can it? Do I actually love this human? Is it possible for the predator to fall in love with its prey? Obviously it is, and I honestly don't think I would change a thing, even if I could.

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself  
that you're not the one for me  
But the more I think, the less I believe it  
and the more I want you here with me  
You know the holidays are coming up  
I don't want to spend them alone  
Memories of Christmas time with you  
will just kill me if I'm on my own

I now know I _was_ suppose to fall in love with her, I can't imagine living another century without knowing the feeling, without knowing her. But she was _never _supposed to return the feelings. How can an angel love a demon like me? I was a monster; I'm constantly putting her sweet, innocent life in danger; it could end so easily with me by her side. If she should ever perish, I would follow right after; I could never exist without her. 

_Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did  
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did  
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did  
And you didn't mean to love me back  
I know it's not the smartest thing to do  
we just can't seem to get it right  
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight  
One more chance tonight_

I turned toward the piano, trying to produce some sound. Usually I had no problem composing, but I didn't know how to start. How could I ever capture my Bella's innocence, sweetness, selflessness, loving nature into a song? It wasn't possible, but then again I'm starting to believe that nothing was impossible.

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar  
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far  
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you  
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand  
we've got nothing left to prove 

My fingers started to flow across the keys, starting in a minor key and slowly making its way to major, just like our relationship- starting off strangled, but hopefully ending in a graceful note. I couldn't imagine if it didn't. I stiffened a little, but I still allowed my fingers to move across the piano. I could never imagine my Bella like that, so cold, never being able to see her beautiful blush or her smile. It's simply unimaginable. But how can I rip myself away from her? I'd be empty; I wouldn't be able to function anymore. I was in to deep. I can't lose her, no matter what. I'll just have to be on my guard all the time, a small price to pay to be in the presence of an angel.

_  
Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did  
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did  
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did  
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did_

As the lullaby started coming to a close I realized that I never wanted to leave her side. I could never hurt her. As long as she wanted me, I'll stay. I'll always stay close by, no matter what, just to make sure she's safe, to make sure she's happy, content. She deserves so much. I love her, and she loved me. _Forever._

_  
And I didn't mean to meet you then  
we were just kids  
And I didn't mean to give you chills  
the way that I kiss  
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did  
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did  
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did  
No, you didn't mean to love me back  
But you did_


End file.
